Friday, December 12, 2008

Totally Disgusted with Myself

I've been avoiding it for a while. I gave up on my diet a few months ago and went hog wild. LITERALLY. Hog wild is definitely the appropriate term. I did not pay attention to anything I ate - did not exercise. My job duties shifted and things have been stressful. But, tonight I realized - THAT IS NO EXCUSE.

I stepped on the scale for the first time in three months. I knew my pants weren't fitting. Quite frankly I have been feeling like shit. Now, I know why. All that weight - the weight I worked so hard to lose - is back.

I am disgusted with myself. I told myself I would not let this happen and I did. It's one of those things where I really wish I could be happy with myself as I am, but I can't. Society doesn't allow me to. My body doesn't allow me to. So, things are changing. TONIGHT.

My mom had just made me some fudge, too. Dammit. Oh well...it's sitting in the fridge and I'm not touching it. I got out the Wii Fit tonight and Maggie and I both worked out for a while. That will become an evening event, especially considering I had to cancel our YMCA membership 2 months ago. Back to the Wii. Back to watching every single thing I ate. Back to trying to change myself.

Such a vicious cycle. Ugh.

4 comments:

jana said...

We have all been there. That moment when you step on the scale and say how did that happen? There is one thing I know for sure about you -- when you put your mind to something it happens. So if your goal is to lose weight and feel better I am confident that you will get there. Even though it totally stinks to have to do it.

Anonymous said...

Hang in there Ginger. I know it's hard, as I've gained some weight back too. But, don't beat yourself up. Love you.
T

laura said...

oh, ging. You are right...it's a vicious monster the whole food thing. How can we love and hate something at the same time? I'm rooting for you, I love you tons and I think you are the greatest, no matter what!! :)

Nichol said...

the whole weight thing totally sucks.
BUT
let's just remember the goal. :)
we can do it.
you're the best!!!!